10 Things We All Need to Forgive Ourselves For

     Most people consider Spring the time of rebirth and newness of life (i.e. Spring Cleaning), but I also think that Fall is also a time of newness. Perhaps the reluctance to recognize this comes from the idea of nature beginning to die in the Fall, but the leaves are too beautiful to view with remorse. Sometimes we need to let go of things, in order to move on, and I think Fall is a great time to reflect on that. Many of us, especially students, are finally settling in to our new routines for the coming year, but before we get too comfortable, I think we need to forgive ourselves. I know I have a hard time doing this, I'm the kind of person who cannot go to sleep at night because I am being haunted by something I did in the sixth grade (can you say broken glasses and an unforgiving middle part?). In fact, I believe that there are ten things that pretty much universally people need to forgive themselves for. And just to prove my point further, I have rounded up some gifs from the TV Show Friends to illustrate my point.

Forgive Yourself for...

Courtesy of BuzzFeed

1. Not Always Being Casanova

     Admit it, we've all done something weird, awkward, or just plain embarrassing in front of the people we "like-like." Whether you're now happily married, or still looking for that special someone, there are probably moments in past relationships that make you cringe. It's time we forgive ourselves for those things, because regardless of how embarrassing it was, or may still be, there is nothing you can do to change the fact that you totally wiped out in front of John Smith or Jane Doe. It's okay to use them as examples of what not to do in the future, but you can't let little things like that embarrass and keep you from putting yourself out there. Hannah Montana said it best, "Everybody makes mistakes, Everybody has those days." Just hope you don't run into John or Jane anytime soon and forgive yourself.

2. Not Pursuing Other Things

Courtesy of bangandstrike.com

      When you were little, there was probably something you thought you were amazing at, but then you grew up and realized you would need to work harder to actually be as great as you thought you were. You probably gave up, and if you're like me, you still regret it. We all think we're amazing artists, until about middle school when everyone's opinion starts to influence how we view ourselves. I gave up ballet, not because I didn't think I was good, but because I wanted to play basketball. Needless to say, I was an okay basketball player, but I still wonder if I would have been a better dancer. I'll never know of course, but I still beat myself up about quitting ballet. THIS WAS IN THE THIRD GRADE PEOPLE! If you're like me, then you can probably understand why I'm still holding onto this, but like everything else, I think it's time I forgave myself, and start to look at the positives of me pursuing Basketball, over the negatives of giving up ballet. Whatever your "ballet" is, it's time you let go of that regret, and either try and pursue it again, or move on.

Courtesy of Tumblr

3. Wanting Some Alone Time 

     The Fear of Missing Out (Or FOMO) is real, but sometimes we need to be by ourselves. It's okay to tell your friends you don't feel like going out and it's also alright to take a break from volunteering or club meetings if your heart and soul is just feeling heavy. It's better to take the time to rejuvenate yourself than to continue to try and tackle life at 

1/2 to 1/4 of your power. So yes, it's okay to say no, but it's not okay to punish yourself for it later.  Everyone needs alone time, introvert or extrovert, to make sure that they are feeding themselves figuratively, and sometimes literally. In the long run, taking a break will allow you to be a better, well, you. So stay in and watch Netflix or take a much needed nap, and then forgive yourself for your self-mandated isolation. It's okay!

 4. Blowing Up at People

Courtesy of Tumblr

Courtesy of BuzzFeed

     For me, it's my brother. He always knows just how to pick at my nerves, and a lot time I blow up unreasonably (if you listen closely, you can hear my parents silently agreeing with "that's right" and a chuckle). I don't like that about myself, but I need to remember that I'm not perfect, and sometimes I'm going to be short or explosive with people. I know I need to work on that, but if I keep attacking myself about every time I lose my temper, I'm just going to be upset with myself over and over again. So, I think this point is two-fold, because we first have to ask forgiveness from those who we've blown-up at, but then we have to forgive ourselves for our humanity, and try and be better. (Also, I'm pretty sure that I look just like Chandler in the first GIF when I'm fighting with Noah. This pains and humors me.)

Courtesy of Tumblr

5. Not Always Acting Our Age

     It's hard being an adult, and I've just started, so I can't imagine how much harder it gets as we get older. But adult or not, we all sometimes forget to act our age. Maybe you slept the day away, forgot how to share, or didn't take care of yourself like you should, regardless you didn't act your age. Watching TV all day, isn't something mature adults suggest, but sometimes binging on the Mindy Project just feels like the right idea. You could spend the next week, (or year), beating yourself up for not fulfilling your responsibilities, or you can put on your big-kid, forgiveness pants and start being proactive now. What 's in the past is done, and though you probably shouldn't have procrastinated, maybe you needed to so that you could realize what your priorities are or just take a break. Whatever the circumstance, holding it against yourself isn't going to change anything, so just forgive yourself.

Courtesy of BuzzFeed

6. That Mean Thing You Said to Your Friend 

    This kind of goes along with "Blowing Up," but I find it's harder for me to forgive myself for the times I've been angry or out-of-line with my friends. It's hard to be around someone for a long time and avoid having arguments or spats, but that doesn't make what we do or say right. Most of the time, the mean things we say to our friends cut deeper than things we say to acquaintances or strangers. This is probably because we know exactly what to say to get under our friend's skin, and because of that it's hard to forgive ourselves for these moments. Much like "blowing up," we first have to apologize to those we've hurt, before we can forgive ourselves, but I know that personally I've said things I'm not proud of to my friends years ago, that I still hold against myself. I honestly wish I could take all back, and I know I can't, but I also have hard time letting it go. So if this applies to you, just know that I also struggle to forgive myself for the mean things I've said, but I also think we have to. If not, we can't grow as a person, and that's essential. So we need to make an effort.

Courtesy of Tumblr

7. For Worrying About Silly Things 

     You've got a test coming up or a big meeting with an important person, and you're worrying about forgetting how to speak, toilet paper being stuck to your shoe, or something else that's probably not going to happen. I don't know why we do this to ourselves, but we assume that the worst thing that can happen, will. Typically, this effects our performance and causes us to be more cautious than we need to be. Afterwards, we realize we were overreacting, and we probably aren't happy about it. I know there have been times when I knew I could have done better if I had just put myself out there more, and stopped worrying. We need to forgive ourselves for being anxious, but we also need to remember the way it held us back, so we can have perspective. We don't need to view it negatively, but rather as a way to improve ourselves. Next time, take a risk and let your confidence carry you through whatever it is. And if you don't feel confident, fake it. What you make up in your mind is always worse than what really happens, and with that knowledge we can improve.

Courtesy of Giphy

8. Not Always Being Happy

    We live in a society that preaches happiness and looks down upon most other emotions, and sometimes we feel bad for feeling bad. The thing is, it's impossible to be happy all of the time, yet we expect that of ourselves. We view sadness, anger, and apathy as negatives, when really there is a time for everything, and sometimes we need to mourn or to be unhappy. You can't always feel like sunshines and rainbows, sometimes you have to live with the storm clouds, and there's nothing wrong with that or you. We all have bad days, and though you can put a positive spin on it and try and see the silver lining, it's also totally natural to just feel down, and that can be a positive thing as well. Van Gogh suffered from depression, but his masterpieces are intensely beautiful, and sometimes it is in the sadness the paintings' reflect, that the true genius is seen. Not that art is only possible in depression and sadness, but that those things can have positive outcomes. So be sad, but don't do it begrudgingly. Instead work through your emotions and then allow yourself to breathe and move on afterwards, because until we accept that all emotions are natural and necessary, we aren't going to be able to forgive ourselves and consequently other's for going through ups and downs.

Courtesy of Tumblr

9. Pigging Out 

     I love food. I love sweets. I love chips and popcorn. I love a nice steak and great smoothie (typically not together). I love food. Buttttttt... Sometimes (a lot of times) I do not eat in a way that is healthy nor going to prolong my life. I recognize this, and sometimes I get angry at myself in response. I know I've talked about it before on here, but for those who don't know, it's about to get real serious up in here. This and the one after it, are the most relevant to my everyday life. I love food, I know I've said it a lot, but it's important that you understand how much food is a part of my life, so that you can see how it eventually took over my life. In high school, I developed an eating disorder along with about 11% of all high school students, and 1 in 5 women. I loved food so much, that when I started to not like myself, I turned to food. I ate to fill whatever was missing inside of me, and eventually I began to hate food, but I still felt like I needed it to feel something, so I just hated myself more. Thankfully, through the love and grace of Jesus Christ, (and I know there will be people who don't agree with me on that), I was healed, and he became the strength I needed, to break the chains my love for food had created. Don't get me wrong, I still get excited when I see pumpkin bread or the Parmesan Shrimp Steak at Applebee's, but I don't need it to feel good about myself, I need it to live, like a human being. However, my first reaction to realizing I had a problem with food, was to cut food down in my life, and that was just as much punishing myself as binge-eating had been. I needed to forgive myself for my eating disorder, so that food could once again be a normal and healthy part of my life. I'm not trying to say that only people with eating disorders need to forgive themselves for how they've treated food, but I think even mildly, people feel bad about certain things they eat, i.e. Thanksgiving Dinner, the whole pint of Ben and Jerry's, or just something that probably isn't healthy. Everything's okay in moderation, so it's okay to forgive yourself for having a cheat day or a cheat week, or month, as long as you are treating your body right and have healthy relationship with what you eat. (I am not a doctor, so take my opinion for just that, an opinion.)

10. For Not Loving Ourselves  

     I envy the fictional person who's never felt inadequate, unlovable, or picked at themselves in the mirror. I think we sometimes believe that this person exists, but I have a hard time buying into the idea that someone truly loves each part of themselves and everything that they do. If this is you, then please feel free to comment down below and disprove my hypothesis, but until then I'm sticking with that theory. Going off of what I said above, it has not been an easy road for me to love myself, and there are still days when it seems impossible, but on the good days, I get angry at myself for ever feeling like I wasn't "worth" anything, which is counterproductive. Friends, we have to forgive ourselves for all of the mean thoughts and words we used against our own selves, as well as the times we've felt worthless, before we can truly begin to love ourselves. If your constantly reminding yourself of that hate, then you're not letting go of it, and you must move on. Without that forgiveness, we can't know true love for one's self, and I really want to know that.

     I'm sure there are many more things that people need to forgive themselves for, but I know that these 10 speak to me, and a lot of my friends. If there's something I've missed, however, please talk about it in the comments section, because I'm a huge fan of dialogue and real talk. Also, try and make a point of working towards whichever of these things you relate to, or just one if you find multiple relevant. I'm not expecting anyone to completely move past these things, because we aren't perfect, but I hope it makes you think more about your daily life and the way you treat yourself, so that you can demonstrate love and respect from the inside, out.

October Book Wrap-Up!

Another month is over, and with it means another set of books! For the month of October I read three books, and I think that this might be the first time I strategically picked out the books. I chose to read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in honor of Halloween, Gossip Girl so I could finally watch the show, and The Book Thief because I had started reading it the month before. Well, 2/3 has to count for something...

The first book I read was The Book Thief. Like I said above, I had actually started reading this at the end of September, but I wasn't able to finish it in time to include it in that review. 

I think this book is phenomenal! I will say that it was hard to get into at first, (I think that might be because I watched the movie first and I was marking everything that was different as inconsequential... I really love the movie...), but once I did, I couldn't stop! Even though I knew the ending because I had seen the movie, Markus Zusak was able to keep me on the edge of my set regardless. I love how he used death to narrate the book, and I'm obsessed with each of his flawed, yet beautiful, characters. You fall in love with them because they are imperfect.

Favorite Quotes:

"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope that I have made them right." - The Book Thief

"One was a book thief. The other stole the sky." - The Book Thief

"I'm compelled to continue on, because although it's not true for every person on earth, it's true for the vast majority - that death waits for no man - and if he does, he doesn't usually wait very long." - The Book Thief

"They were French, they were Jews, and they were you." - The Book Thief

There are three main things that I love about the next book I read:

1. The fashion in it is unbelievable and if I could have their closets for the price of my right arm, I would do it.

2. The characters are flawed, like completely and utterly messed up, and I love that to no end.

3. I am by no means a wealthy elite, but I can still relate to these teenagers.

I initially bought a whole slew of Gossip Girl books at two different thrift stores, in the hopes that I would read one, fall in love, and be able to watch the show with the comfort that I had read the books before. I never knew how obsessed I would become with both mediums. The show is brilliant, and I actually prefer Serena van der Woodsen on television to the book version. However, I do think that the book allows for you to truly understand the lives of these elite teenagers. The Serena on the show is not naive and she feels like she needs to change, contrary to her book counterpart. I think that S in the book is perfect for the scene that Cecily created.

I love hating and adoring these characters, and I cannot get over the fashion. To me, it feels like a grown up version of the clique books that I read back in middle school and FREAKING OBSESSED OVER FOR YEARS. Honestly, all it takes is flawed characters and fashion to get me in permanent fangirl mode.

Favorite quotes:

"Life is fragile and absurd." -Gossip Girl

"Face it: we're all the same." -Gossip Girl

"No matter the truth, people see what they want to see..." - Gossip Girl

"I don't eat chicken abortions!" - Gossip Girl

There's nothing like the wizarding world of Harry Potter to get you in the mood for Halloween! I decided to reread one of my favorite books after discovering pottermore.com, which is another one of my obsessions. I really have a problem.

This book is so beautifully written, and time after time after time I find myself falling in love with this world. I have never been so involved with a book so many years after the first time I read it. I totally get that this book has been there and done that at this point, but I still feel the need to rave about it, because it is THAT good. J.K. Rowling is a genius and I respect her so much.

If you haven't read this series yet, please do. 

Favorite quotes:

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that." - Sorcerer's Stone

"To the well organized min, death is but the next great adventure." - Sorcerer's Stone

"... to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever." - Sorcerer's Stone

"Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself." - Sorcerer's Stone

(I just realized those are all Dumbledore quotes... no regrets...)

Join me again next month were I will probably have gained more obsessions and get the chance to read my babbling nonsense once again! It'll be great!

August and September Book Wrap-Up!

August and September were crazy months for me. Between starting back at school, cheer leading, and other various responsibilities, I've barely had any time to sit down and review the books I read during those months. Better late than never, right?

Anyways, for the month of August I read "Four" by Veronica Roth and I re-read "The Maze Runner" by James Dashner in honor of the movie coming out in the beginning of September,

I am a huge fan of the Divergent Series, so when this book came out in July I knew I had to get it. I devoured it quickly during the month of August and couldn't be more pleased with it. 

For starters, I was never a huge fan of Tris, who is the protagonist of the Divergent series, so when I found out that these stories were in her love interest Four's point of view, I knew that I was going to be in love with this book. The world that Veronica Roth created is as beautiful as it was throughout the trilogy, but this time as I read it I got to see it through the eyes of Tobias, and it was such a sweeter view. Sorry to Tris lover's everywhere, but I find her annoying.

"Four" is exciting, insightful, and exactly the kind of book you could read over and over again. The only downside being that, you really need to read the other three books first to truly understand what is going on.

Favorite Quotes:

“Dead people can be our heroes because they cant disappoint us later; they only improve over time, as we forget more and more about them.” -Veronica Roth

“I'm not sure bravery is something you acquire more of with age, like wisdom --but maybe here, in Dauntless, bravery is the highest form of wisdom, the acknowledgement that life can and should be lived without fear.” - Tobias

I read "The Maze Runner" in the seventh grade, and became enthralled with the scene that Dashner set. However, reading it five years later, and five years wiser, allowed me to see the parallels that Dashner's story holds to other stories and to our culture and History. I love when books tell a story that makes you think about your own life, and "Maze Runner" does just that. 

Minho and Newt are my favorite characters in the book, and their humor is not only so similar to my own that it scares me, but breaks up all of the stress and tension in the novel. 

Favorite Quotes:“If you ain’t scared… you ain’t human.” -Alby

“If you're going to decipher a hidden code from a complex set of different mazes, I'm pretty sure you need a girl's brain running the show.” - Teresa

In the month of September I was able to knock three books off of my "To Be Read" list. These books were great stress relievers as school made me change my day to day schedule. They allowed me to relax and stop freaking out about tests and what-have-you, which is really all I look for in a book.

 

I started the month off by reading "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn, because of the great reviews my friends had given it and because the movie came out in September as well. (There is a common theme with my book reading...)

This book was creepy, twisted, and just full our crazy, but I loved it! It really makes you think about the people and your life and totally freaks you out, which is great. I honestly raved about this book for a week after I finished reading it; I just couldn't stop talking about it. The characters are a mix of terrifying and real, that makes you want to avoid all human contact for the rest of your life, and I just loved it.

Favorite Quotes: 

“It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.” 
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

“Tampon commercial, detergent commercial, maxi pad commercial, windex commercial - you'd think all women do is clean and bleed.” 
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

"There's a difference between really loving someone and loving the idea of her.” 

― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

I then decided to pick up "Noggin" from the school library after hearing a great review of it a while back  by PeruseProject. Noggin is the story of 16-year-old  Travis, who opts to have his head frozen instead of continuing to fight his cancer. This story sounds really weird, but is truly remarkable in the way that it handles growing up. It's the strangest "Coming of Age" book I have ever read, and I really like that about it. I understood the message that Whaley was trying to portray, and he was able to do it in a interesting, cool, and sometimes humorous way. Travis deals with moving on in a way that is so real and human, you almost forget that you're reading a book about a kid that had his head sewn on to someone else's body.

Like I said... weird.

Favorite Quotes: 

“I thought maybe a day was coming when I'd stop constantly worrying about how to live. Maybe at some point I'd just start living, no questions asked.” 
― John Corey Whaley, Noggin

“But in that moment I understood what they say about nostalgia, that no matter if you're thinking of something good or bad, it always leaves you a little emptier afterward.” 
― John Corey Whaley, Noggin

 The last book I read in the month of September was "'Love' and Other Foreign Words" by Erin McCahan. This book is so adorably quirky that it would make a great movie some day. Josie is such a realistic character, and even if you don't relate to her, I'm positive you know someone that does. McCahan's writing style reminds me of a mix of John Green and Rainbow Rowell, so of course I was hooked from the first page, and I love that like those authors, McCahan isn't afraid to make the nerdy girl nerdy. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I think that a lot of times people take the glasses off of the 'nerdy' girl and suddenly she is pretty, but McCahan creates a character that literally refuses to take off her glasses.

I found myself crying towards the end of this book, not only because I felt Josie's pain, but because it was so heartwarming at points my soft heart just couldn't contain it. Josie truly is a character that girls everywhere can relate to.

Favorite Quotes:

“Good becomes perfect, but perfect is an illusion. And illusions are like all spells—temporary and soon broken. And when that happens, feelings change.” 
― Erin McCahan, Love and Other Foreign Words

“I think I'm nostalgic for a time I never experienced.” 
― Erin McCahan, Love and Other Foreign Words

Expectation Vs. Reality

     Expectation Vs. Reality is a common title for videos and or pictures that display what usually happens when people have high expectations. As hilarious as these tend to be, I've become very aware of how true they are, but in a flip-sided way.
     Last night and into this morning, I spent eight hours (Not including the three hours of sleep I managed to get) with my cheer-leading squad. We had a sleepover at the high school so that we could make all of the run through signs for the football team and show our new coach some of the cheers we had done last year. It honestly sounds like an extremely normal night to me as I am writing this down, but I can't forget the thoughts and feelings that had run around in my head prior to the event.
    I was nervous going into this. I don't have any close friends on the team, and because I have this delusional fear that people find me annoying and don't like me, I was afraid I was going to be a bother to everyone and just end up alone. That was my expectation.
     In fact, this is an expectation I have a lot of the time. I am constantly distancing myself from people because I am afraid they are getting annoyed by me. Mind you, I have never actually been told that I am annoying by anyone other than my brother. So why do I have this fear? I think a part of me feels like everyone is saying that about me behind my back. I mean, let's be honest, most girl fighting is done behind backs and with tongues like swords.
     But the thing is, as far as I know, nobody has a problem with me. Yet I am constantly taking myself out of things hoping to avoid whatever backlash I am expecting.
     Last night was kind of an eyeopener for me. I had fun. Not the kind of fun that you kind of enjoyed but would never do it again, but rather the kind of fun that makes you want to experience that night again. Nobody was bothered by me, in fact I was invited to do things, which sounds simple enough but for someone who was expecting to be spending the night utterly alone it was a big deal.
     It made me start thinking about expectations and how, just like high expectations, low expectations can be utterly wrong as well. I don't think I am the only one with this mindset, rather I'm sure tons of people make themselves loners to avoid whatever it is they are afraid of. Something in our brains tells us that if we are alone no one can hurt us, when we all know that sometimes being alone is just as painful.
     Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we suffer through countless weekends without plans, events spent standing awkwardly alone, and silence?
     If you're like me, the thought of putting yourself out there is terrifying. It seems that I can only truly talk to a stranger when one of my best friends is around, and even then the situation is iffy. I'm the kind of person who will not engage you in conversation, and as sorry as I am for it, I will need you to do it. I don't want to be that person.
     It's just another one of those things that I'm trying to change, but the process is slow.

The Perfect Wave

   

 

(No waves but at least there is water!)

     Today was what I would call the perfect wave. I started off the day at church like I do every Sunday and then made plans to go with my friend to the movies later to see The Purge. After somehow convincing my mom to allow me to go see a rated 'R' movie - Apparently if you continue to point out that it is basically a more violent version of The Hunger Games it becomes an acceptable rating - my friend and I headed back towards my house so that I could change out of my church clothes and grab everything I needed.
     Once back at her place, we ate lunch with her family, and after they had all cleared out, we settled down to watch Pitch Perfect. this is one of my all time favorite movies, and I will watch it a million times if given the opportunity (Whilst quoting the whole thing, of course). We decided to head out after the fantastic yet not-wanted ending of the movie, and made our way towards a frozen yogurt chain in a nearby town called Sweet Frogs. Again, Sweet Frogs is one of my favorite places, and if money and calories were not a problem, I would eat it all day every day.
       It was after we finally finished stuffing our faces, after we browsed through the shops surrounding the movie theater trying to kill time, and after we bought snacks at the local Food Lion, that we finally bought our tickets and sat down to watch The Purge. Now, I'm not a scary movie person - I watch them because I love movies and hate not knowing about things that people are bound to be talking about - but I found myself thoroughly enjoying this movie. As creepy as it sounds, I love the ideas and thinking behind it. I guess it's the writer in me, but none-the-less, it kept me enthralled and on the edge of my seat.
     The movie ended, I said hi to a friend that we ran into leaving the theater, and we headed back home discussing the movie and dancing like fools to the latest hits station. It was a good day. In fact, it was probably some of the most fun I have had in a while, considering it has been raining cats and dogs the entire week I had finals. Not exactly what I would call 'fun'.
    But this wasn't the end. Far from it, actually. You see, my mom rented Chasing Mavericks for us to watch. After finally deciding that watching a third movie was not in fact overkill, I made my way upstairs and let the entertainment ensue. Chasing Mavericks was a great movie, in fact, I would go as far as saying it was one of the best new movies I have seen in a while. I don't even know what made it so powerful, yet something in it struck a chord with me. You see, (without giving away too much and ruining the movie), this kid Jay loves surfing. There is nothing else in this world he loves more than it. He spends all of his free time doing it, and it's what makes him feel alive. In the movie he's chasing Mavericks, the biggest waves in the world.
     I fear if I say anymore I'll ruin it for someone, so I'll leave it at that, but what really strikes me about all of this is his determination. He is so determined to be the best surfer he can be. It reminds me of my life and the lack of determination I sometimes have in what I love. There is nothing I love more than writing and I spend a large portion of my time doing things that will hopefully make me better at it, yet still I wish I could have just some of the determination that Jay has.
     I live on the Chesapeake Bay, and water sports have always been a big part of my life. I've just been in love and fascinated with them for as long as I can remember. I don't think I can even comprehend Jay's love for surfing, yet a part of me knows exactly what that perfect wave feels like. For me, the non-surfer, it's when the water is calm and the boat is pulling your knee-board, skis, or inner-tube just right. It's when your body is moving just the way you want it and your knees are feeling up for anything. It's when you're well rested and ready for a day on the boat. It's when you can feel yourself become one with the water and suddenly you can do anything.
     The perfect wave doesn't have to be water related. In fact, though I love that 'perfect wave' feeling when I'm knee-boarding or skiing, I love it even more when I'm writing. When suddenly words are flowing from my fingertips like the flood gates of my mind have opened and everything just makes sense. When I finally reach into the deepest, darkest corners of a character and find I know everything about them and feel them come to life. That is a perfect wave that creates a high only writers will ever understand.
    You see, I think we can find the perfect wave in anything we love. All it takes is a little determination.

    Where do you find your perfect wave?

Mirror Mirror

              

          Dogs are more like us than we may think. Most of them have an imprint, or a mental image of who they are. Small dogs may see themselves as massive machines made for destruction and the likes of a Great Dane could see himself as a tiny ant. This creates a problem when they happen to see their true image reflected in the mirror. This mirror version of them seems to be another dog because they could never truly look like that in their minds. For all they know, this ‘other’ dog is a threat and this is what causes them to become hostile when they look at their reflection. So they bark, and they bark, and they bark, as if their incessant noise is going to drive the evil doer away.

            Humans have a way of doing this too. So very often people all over the world are looking into the mirror and barking. They blaspheme, shouting “This could not be me! I could never look this ugly!” When in reality what they are seeing is far more beautiful than they will ever know. Humans have an imprint too, and it is usually set by society.

            We are told what beauty is from a young age, skinny, tall, tan, and flawless.  When people see a dog with its ribs showing they call it cruelty yet somewhere along the way this became beautiful for a human, causing millions of girls to bark at themselves in the mirror wishing for their bones to protrude.

            Women as a whole spend approximately 7 billion dollars on makeup a year. These products claim to enhance your beauty, yet still they see themselves in the mirror and begin to bark. So then they have to go out again and by the latest and greatest product claiming to fix the problems that their imprint has created for them.

            It all seems to come back to the mirror though. When the animals are not looking into it they can carry on their merry way without every knowing that they are not who they think they are. Again, people tend to be the same way. If they do not look into the mirror, how will the ever know what they look like? Sure, it would probably result in some unruly people, but they would never know it. Could you imagine if for a week the entire world stopped looking into mirrors? How would they apply makeup? How would they shave? How would they do anything to morph their face into what is considered acceptable for society? Maybe they wouldn't.

            The mirror has been a great advancement in society, and in the past it was even seen as a magical object where a parallel universe existed. There, you could meet yourself. How often do people go to the mirror and expect to meet themselves? They pick themselves up and hope that when they look into the mirror they will see what has been poured into their brain for so long, but instead they find someone so uniquely individual that they are let down. Before them stands a beautiful person who will one day be the love of someone’s life, the parent to adoring children, and then a grandparent who spends their days spoiling their beloved grandchildren. Yet they cannot see it, because they are too busy searching for what society tells them they should see. So often, people become the evil step mother in Snow White and they begin to look to their mirror for answers. “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

            Maybe it’s time people put the mirror down and started looking inside for their answers. Instead of trying to live up to what society says is beautiful try becoming the best you. It’s not the words spoken by those with bad intent that define a person but rather what they know inside their heart. It’s time to take a stand and become what you've always known, something more than what the mirror shows. You are you, and that right there makes you pretty amazing.

Wishing

                Do you ever find yourself wishing to be someone else? Have you ever wished that your life was more like the life of that really skinny girl who just seems to have it all? I think the better question would be, who doesn’t?

                So often we find ourselves looking at the people around us and wishing to be them. I remember when I was twelve years old my dad’s best friend gave me a necklace for Christmas. It was a cute little necklace with a metal peace sign pendant surrounded by little orbs of quartz. I still have it to this day actually. It came with a tiny note from the maker of the necklace that claimed to “make all of your wishes come true”. I was ecstatic! Though my dad’s friend laughed it off, all I could think was how great my life would become. Mind you I was twelve. I am very much aware that a necklace has no power over the universe. I’m pretty sure I knew that at twelve as well, but that didn’t stop me from wearing it every day. Whenever something bad would happen I would wish for a change. Whenever a prettier girl walked by me I would wish to look more like her. I would wish for clothes, money, fame, and even talents I did not possess. I don’t think I actually thought these things would happen, but maybe a part of me wished they would.

                I’m still the very same way. I don’t wear the necklace everyday anymore, but I’m constantly wishing to be someone else or have something I don’t. I am that person that makes a wish everyday at 11:11. Why? I live a great life; I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, two loving parents, good grades, and the best friends in the entire world, so why do I wish for it to be different? Why am I unsatisfied?

                I like to think I’m not the only one like this. I think we all have moments when we feel like we need more. That being skinny is what we want, that having tons of money will fix every problem, that having that overpriced name brand dress will make us more popular. We long for what we cannot have and it’s a constant battle in my life. A battle for my happiness. These wishes are for things that I think will make me happy, when really I have everything I’ll ever need already.

                I’m trying to change though. Every morning I wake up and I list five things in my life I’m thankful for. As I get dressed I remind myself that my sense of style is what makes me unique and I don’t need a size two waist to be beautiful. Then, in the wise words of Macklemore, I remind myself that I don’t need a name brand to be happy. “I wear your granddad's clothes, I look incredible.”

                Soon, I hope to be able to say that the only thing I wish for is the happiness off others. Fingers crossed!