Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Eat, Pray, Love: Self-Loathing


     This is really hard for me to talk about, but Elizabeth Gilbert helped me with it. She wrote an entire book, talking mostly about her searching for herself, and learning to be okay with herself. I would love to have that kind of courage, so here is my attempt.
    I'm not to fond of myself.
    I know, everyone hates something about themselves, and I'm not denying that, but for me it's sometimes a constant emotion. I'm asking for pity or for compliments, I'm just saying it as it is. I can wallow in self-loathing for days.
    I don't know why, but that's how it is.
    Liz said it best, "Operation Self_Esteem -- Day F****g One."And that's exactly how it goes. One day I feel like I can conquer the world, and the next completely useless. I'm better than I was a year ago, and I feel myself getting better each day, but I'm only better because people in my life have shown me that I'm not alone. I think that's the worst part of it all; feeling like I'm the only person that's every hated themselves. I started recovering, if you will, a year ago when I shared it with my youth group, because I felt like I was going to explode, and one of my youth leaders shared an almost identical story. Something about knowing that I didn't carry that weight alone, made it bearable. It's the isolation that forced me into extended periods of hatred, but now that I know there are people out there for me, it's easier to pull myself out.
     Liz found her way out through traveling, and I share that need with her. I need to travel. I love it so much, that even a trip to the next county over is exciting for me. I think each adventure holds a new lesson, and I long for that. Liz seems to be the same way, and it was through her travels that she found peace. 
    My favorite quote from the book goes,  “I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” Liz sits down with a pen and some paper, and waits for God to talk to her in her stupor. She asks him questions, and he uses her to write them down. I like that idea, but I also like to believe that this is Liz talking to herself. That inside of her, there's another version of Liz waiting to burst through the gate and conquer her self-loathing.
     I think that's important part of life, telling yourself how much you love you. It's just like with anyone else. If your friend stops calling you his/her best friend, then you might start to doubt it, and I think the same goes for us. If we stop thinking about all of the things we love about ourselves, then we forget that we do in fact love ourselves. I don't know if it takes a trip to the 'I' countries to figure it out, or if all it takes is a hug and the promise that you're not a lone, but what I do know is that you're worth it.
     You're worth being loved, and no matter how hard that gets for me to say, I know that I have to. Because I can't forget.

Eat, Pray, Love: Food


      I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert about nine weeks ago, and since then I have been trying to apply her thoughts to my life. After rooting Liz on for three hundred fifty two pages, it's easy for me to imagine that I too experienced it all. The problem is, I didn't, and I probably need too.
    Liz is one of those people that you can't help but fall in love with. Her flaws make her real, and I admire that she doesn't try to hide them. She wrote an entire book, putting them all on display.
    That takes a lot of courage, and that's the sort of thing I would like to aspire towards.
     Liz talks a lot about food in her book. Obviously, the act of consuming food is actually in the title, but eve more so she brings it up multiple times. She talks about eating food that she loves in Italy and in India she eats the food that she should. I was really good at eating the food that I loved, so for me, I needed to try eating the food that I should. Liz on the other hand, was not used to eating whatever she wanted too, and though she enjoyed it, she saw that it wasn't the best thing for her when she returned to her old habits in India.
     I wanted to be able to feel the way Liz does about food, because like I said, I'm really good at eating the food that I love. I mean it, I'm seriously talented. On the flip side, I'm terrible at eating the food that I should.
    So in the last month, due mostly in part to my mother, I've been eating the food that I should, but I've always kept Liz in the back of my mind.
    It was my mom's idea to start the Daniel Plan, but it was Liz that helped me stick with it. She allowed me to see, through someone that wasn't a doctor, that what you take in really does make a difference. Whether it be something obviously harmful like poison, or just the bag of chips sitting on the counter, it really does make a difference.
   Since eating healthier, I've found that I'm more energized. I make it through my day without feeling sluggish or tired, and it makes a larger difference than I would have thought. Before, I figured that since most people ate the same way I did, that I really wasn't hurting myself that much. But the energy of gained from cutting out processed foods is remarkable. Even more so in my dad, who has brought up multiple times how energetic he feels. He describes it like being a child on a sugar rush.
   I can't say that I have that much of a dramatic increase, but not yawning in school is a big deal for me. I actually can't remember the last time I yawned, and that itself must be something.
    I also didn't realize how good healthy food can taste. So far, my favorites have been the grilled salmon and the Chicken Verde (Pictured Above), but even simpler things like asparagus and cauliflower, which by the way I had refused to eat until recently.
    Liz's take on food was more substantial for me than the love and pray aspects, and it is something that will be engraved in my plates for the rest of my life. That's what a good book is supposed to do. It should weasel it's way into your brain, and stay there for the rest of your life, because if it doesn't, then what is the book. We read to learn, and if you don't learn anything, then you haven't truly read.
    I'm not going to pretend that Liz has somehow made this entire experience easy, because it isn't. I had to turn down a cookie, Nutella and crackers, and a lollipop today, all of which I would have loved. It's still something that I'm having to work towards, because right now I really want a slice of pizza. But keeping Liz in mind has helped me stay on track, because as she says, "You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on your mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control."

Monday, March 24, 2014

Skip Into Spring Tag!

Spring is officially here, even though it doesn't feel like it, and with it comes all of the things we have been waiting about all Winter to do. This spring tag below, created by Madison Martine and beautybabe149, examines a few of those things with a few questions. I had a lot of fun filming this tag, and it definitely got me excited for the warm weather!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Divergent Lookbook!

In honor of the movie coming out, I have put together outfits representing each of the factions in the book: Abnegation, Amity, Candor, Dauntless, and Erudite. Which faction are you?

This was a lot of fun to make! Shout out to my best friend Savannah for helping me film!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Free Wallpapers!

Yesterday my cousin tweeted  a quote by Sherri Shepherd, which inspired the Do it Scared wallpaper above. I had been meaning to change my background up for the spring season, and her quote inspired me to make a few myself. While Hips Like Shakira was meant to be fun, Go Get It and Do it Scared are two things that I'm trying to live by right now. I really need to learn how to do those two things, and I'm hoping that a daily reminder will help.
The wallpaper's above are free and available to all. Just click on the correct wallpaper to enlarge and then save, or if you are on your mobile device click the correct wallpaper and open it in a new page.

iPhone 4/ 4s

iPhone 5

iPhone 4/4s

iPhone 5

iPhone 4/4s 

iPhone 5