20 before 20

Yesterday, I entered my last year as a teenager. I know everyone says it, but I really cannot believe how fast time has gone. The question has been asked, "does nineteen feel different," and honestly as with any age, the answer is of course, "no." However, I will admit that there is a sense of urgency with this age, as if suddenly it has occurred to me that I am steps away from adulthood. It has been brought to my attention that there are multiple things, (lets say 20), that I have wanted to do for a while now, but have been putting off. So, I've decided to put a deadline on myself I have until I turn 20 to try and do each of these things, and my hope is that this blog will hold me accountable to it. That being said, here are my 20 Things to Do Before I Turn 20.

1. Visit a New State

I love to travel, but for most of my life, I have only visited the same three or four states, repeatedly. Ideally, I want to venture off of the East Coast, but there are still some states along the Eastern Seaboard that I haven't seen, and would love to. Regardless, I want to see a new state in the coming year.

2. Get my Second Piercing

I was going to get my second hole pierced in my ear on my 18th birthday, the first day I would not need my parent's permission for this, but I chickened out. I will not chicken out this year, folks. (I might but I am going to do my best not to.) 

3. Go Abroad

Hopefully January of 2017 I will be studying abroad, making it the first time in my 19 years that I have left the country. I am a hopeless wanderer, and it makes me so excited about learning a new culture and being in a new country/continent. If I do not do this,  I will be extremely angry at myself.

4. Vote

This year is the presidential election. I will be doing my civic duty and voting.

5. Dye My Hair

I have also been saying I am going to do this for the past year or so, and I am finally going to go to the store, and buy the hair dye that will most likely make me cry when I see how badly I did, but I am going to give it my best shot! I'm thinking ombre.

6. Write a Love Letter to Myself to Open in 10 Years

It's been a long process of learning to love myself over these past few years, and I want to remind myself of that when I am 30. Thirty, flirty, and thriving.

7. Read At Least One Book a Month

I've really fallen out of reading for fun, and I want to get back into that. It's sad to say that my goal is one book a month, but life is busy, y'all. Also I have 19 other things to do.

8. Make a Blanket Fort and Watch Movies in it

Just because I'm technically adult, does not mean that I cannot watch movies in a blanket fort with my friends. Alex, it's happening. 

9. Be Published in Some Way Shape or Form

A magazine, online publication, newspaper, something! My career is not going to wait for me, I have to go out and get it. Also, I feel like I need this validation... I'm kidding, mostly.

10. Write in a Journal Everyday

This is going to help me become a better writer, but also is a great way to destress and reflect. Sounds like exactly what I need.

11. Learn ASL

I am honestly fascinated by American Sign Language, and have picked up words and phrases here and there, but I want to be able to communicate more proficiently. 

12. Stay Active

Or maybe, get active? I want to do one thing a day that I personally would consider active. I'm not planning on running a half marathon here.

13. Volunteer More

I volunteered a lot more in high school than I have since coming to college, and I want to get back into that. It's such a great way to do good and feel good, and I need more of that in my life.

14. Eat Sushi

I never have, and according to all of my friends I'm missing out. I plan on at least giving it a try, but I make no promises about liking it.

15. Visit the Edgar Allan Poe Museum

It's 20 minutes away, I'm a huge nerd, and I still haven't been there. This is officially my life goal and I must accomplish it. 

16. Recreate Childhood Photos. 

This will allow me to reminicse, probably give them to my mom as a present (forget you read that, mom...), and spend quality time with
my family. Plus, I really love pictures. I see no downside. 

17. Get a Member of Each Fraternity and Sorority on Campus to Come to Small Group

Recently, my Alpha Gam sister, Lindsay, and I started a bible study small group for members of Fraternity and Sorority life, and it went really well. We had four different organizations represented, but I would love to see each Greek organization on campus represented.

18. Stay Up All Night

I know this will shock my parents, but I have never pulled an all-nighter. As much as I love sleep, this seems impossible, but I want to give it the old college try. (Literally, it's probably going to be because of homework that I'm up all night, so the old college try is pretty accurate.)  

19. Log Off of Social Media for a Day

I am always on social media, so the idea of being free from it for 24 hours seems pretty hard, but I want to prove that I can do it. Plus, I'm sure it would be great for my mental health.

20. Keep My Plants Alive

So far I have one that looks like it's gone for good and another that is still alive but barely breathing. Basically, I'm a plant murderer, and I want to keep my garden alive and thriving by the time I'm 20. 

Hopefully I will accomplish everything on this list, and frankly some of these are too easy not to achieve, but they are the things that I want to do in the next year of my life. It's going to be really busy and I'm rarely going to have a chance to slow down, but that's the best part.

11 Reasons Why I Am a Sorority Girl

"But I've never pictured you as a sorority girl..."

      Until recently, most people would not have considered me a "sorority girl." In fact, upon announcing my decision to go through recruitment, I got a mix of different reactions. Some people were proud of me for putting myself out there, and other's were confused. "I never thought of you as a sorority girl." I have to admit that I also felt this way going into college; I believed the stereotypes about Greek Life, but I knew that I needed to try and say "yes" to more things in college and put myself out there, so I decided to go through recruitment. I went in with the knowledge that I could drop out if I didn't feel like the experience was right for me, and decided it would be a good way to force myself to meet new people. However, I ended up finding my family here at Randolph-Macon, and I am proud to say that I am a sorority girl. Now before you're ideas or thoughts on me change, allow me to explain myself. You might just even learn a few things you didn't know about Greek Life, or maybe you're like me and you can agree with some of my personal reasons to join a sorority. Regardless, here are eleven reason that I am a sorority girl (technically I'm a member of a Women's Fraternity not a Sorority, but that just doesn't roll off of the tongue so we're going to ignore that).

1. I Value Loyalty

Courtesy of AGD Theta Zeta

Whenever I am asked what I value most, I always reply with "loyalty." I am the kind of person that invests a lot of time into the people I care about, and I like when people do the same for me. I have had to realize over the years that not everyone feels that way, and I have grown to accept that, but as a member of my sorority, I know I can always count on my sisters. The other day, I had a sister ask me about my blog, and when I admitted that I had been lacking in the post department, she encouraged me to keep at it. Something as simple as that had a huge impact on my day, and really revived the way I looked at my blog. The thing is, these girls are my sisters, my family, and because of that I know they will always have my back. There is no way to be best friends with each of your sisters, but you know that regardless of time of day or location, if you need help, there will be a sister to come to your rescue.

My amazing sister-mom!

2. I Am Obsessed With Crafting

Regardless of your own feelings towards crafting, if you join a sorority you will come into contact with it. Whether it's making gifts for your sister-daughter (or little in some people's cases) or making a t-shirt with your letters, sorority girls will learn how to craft. Thankfully, I pretty much live on Pinterest. This may be the least serious of my points, but it does need to be mentioned (mostly because I have this amazing picture of the craft I did with my sister-mom and I literally just got back from doing a craft with my sisters, so I guess it's a pretty big part of my life...)

3. Service Rocks

Courtesy of Alpha Gamma Delta at RMC

    My parents have done a great job of instilling the importance of service in my life. Alpha Gamma Delta's personal philanthropy is the Alpha Gamma Delta Foundation which works to promote awareness for diabetes, helps sisters in need, and provides leadership training. Each sorority has it's own philanthropy and service projects, but overall Greek Life as a whole promotes service. Maybe it is just giving two hours of your time to collect money to donate to diabetes research, but that small act can make a big impact, and I firmly believe that's important. We need to work together to better the world, and of course that doesn't require joining a sorority, but it is one of the things that drew me to it. I don't think people talk enough about the good things Greek Life does, and honestly I barely knew anything about philanthropy in the community before I went through recruitment. However, each sorority is passionate about their cause and loves working together towards a common goal. Philanthropy night I got to make a bracelet to send to a child with diabetes and write a note of encouragement as well. I looked around at all of the other bracelets and notes, and realized that these tiny string bracelets were going to make a big impact in someone's life, and to me that's one of the greatest things about service. It can be as simple as a bead on twine and a few words and really make someone's day, and since Alpha Gam promises to do just that, I am proud to be a sorority girl.

4. A Caring Community

Usually when I feel down, I can almost guarantee that I will also feel like I am completely alone. I am not sure why, but my mind always convinces me that no one else has ever experienced the same thing I am, and no one could ever understand. However, as I have learned at my Alpha meetings, so many of my sisters have felt and experienced the same things as me. We have all felt insecure, we have all worried about a test, and felt the same way about a variety of different things. Whether it is the VP of Scholarship giving out "Hersheys for Hundreds" or just a conversation over lunch with one of your sisters, your sorority cares about you and supports you. We want to see each other succeed and be the best version of themselves they can be.  And that means no hazing! I think a lot of people have this idea that sorority recruitment is filled with hazing and other cruel rituals, but my sisters and I have pledged to never hurt a sister, because we're family and we love each other.  Your sorority sisters will be there for you no matter what (refer back to loyalty) and you will always be there for them. Sometimes it's just a run to Starbucks because you are about to pull an all-nighter, or maybe it's checking in on you after a big test. Sorority members care about their sisters, and that is something everyone needs in college. Regardless, I know I always have someone to get lunch or watch American Horror Story with. Maybe a sorority isn't for you, but make sure you find a solid support network somewhere on campus.

5. Scholarship

Courtesy of Alpha Gam at St. Joseph's College Instagram

At my school, students in Greek Life tend to have higher GPAs than their non-greek counterparts and are more likely to graduate. This applies to the majority of the schools across the US. The reason? All sororities and fraternities require a minimum GPA for members and the school requires a minimum GPA for the entire chapter to remain in good standing. We have required study hours depending on your GPA, academic families to help you study and talk about your classes, and study halls held at the house. AGD specifically strives for Pi, meaning any sister or whole organization that reaches a GPA of 3.14 is recognized for academic achievement. As a huge nerd, I love my sororities commitment to doing the best we can academically. Many people, including my parents, were worried I would get too busy and would neglect my grades, but that is the exact opposite of what my organization wants. As sisters, we want to see each other succeed, so why we would we set each other up for failure? Instead we work together, and I think that's pretty awesome.

6. The Spirit Level is Real

Every college student knows how obsessed a sorority girl is with her organization. Personally, I get my spirit honestly from my mom, who instantly bought me a "squirrels crossing" sign, when she found out I accepted my bid (our mascot is a squirrel). However, I think it makes sense. If you join an organization, you should be proud and excited about it. Sorority girls are constantly throwing what they know (the picture to the left was literally less than a month after I accepted my bid. Already so stoked!), wearing our letters, and bid day is a whole new level of spirit. We have songs we sing together, chants we shout at the top of our lungs, and our rituals that make us unique. I'm a former cheerleader, daughter of a former cheerleader, and a fan of any excuse to sing. Of course the match made sense! Even if singing and cheering aren't your things, there's something about being with your sisters that makes it worth it. When we chant or wear our letters, we become a part of something bigger than ourselves, a history (that will be mentioned later) of sisterhood, and a moment that has been shared by thousands of other women. So maybe you want to laugh because singing and cheering seem stupid or silly, but in the grand scheme of my chapter and the international organization, it's kind of a big deal that's been going on for a long time. 

Courtesy of franbecque.com

7. We Have History

As I stated above, many of the things a sorority does were started years before the current members were even born. On May 30, 1904, Alpha Gamma Delta was founded at Syracuse. Not everything we value was created then, but overtime we picked up the songs we sing, our rituals were written, and for over a hundred years women have felt the same sisterhood that I feel. That's pretty cool. My father loves history, so it was no surprise when I talked to him after bid day and he instantly spit out the year Alpha Gam was founded. For me and him, there's something powerful about history, and when you realize that, not only are you sharing these moments with your current sisters, but also the alum (Two of which I personally know, and that turned out amazing, so there must be something right about sorority life!), it makes everything feel more important. Getting lunch with your sisters isn't groundbreaking by any means, but when generations of sisters have been doing that, it really magnifies the situation.

Me and my favorite DZs (and Hannah, who's not in Greek Life... yet)

8.  Greek Life = Small Town

Personally, I come from a small town and a smaller high school. So even though my college is relatively small, it feels big to me sometimes. When I went through  recruitment, I met so many girls that I probably would not have met otherwise, including my future sisters. Amazingly enough, some of my sisters live twenty minutes away from my hometown, yet I probably would never have known that, had I not joined my sorority. But it's not just my sisters that I get to wave to as I'm walking to class. I see the Delta Zeta girls and the Kappa Alpha Thetas that I know, and even we share a bond despite our different organizations. My statistics partner is in Kappa Sigma, I have a few friends who've accepted a bid to Sig Ep, and the members of Theta Chi even brought us cookies the other day (which I'm now realizing I never got one....). We may not all hang out together, but we kind of know each other, and again we support each other. The sororities love working together under Panhellenic Council, and we attend other organizations philanthropic events, because we want to encourage each other. That's not to say we only associate together, though Greek Life has gotten a bad rep for that. Most of my closest friends are not involved in Greek Life (yet. Wait until they read this blog post, then we'll see. Kind of kidding...). My point is, Greek Life allowed me to meet and interact with people, that an introvert like me would never try and do on my own. I'm thankful for that.

This was posted on my Facebook wall when I accepted
my bid and it still cracks me up.

9. Life-Long Leaders 

There are so many different opportunities to take on a leadership roll in a sorority. These weekend, I'm going to a New Member Academy, where I'm going to learn how to do just that. As I've said multiple times, your sisters want to see you be the best you can be, and that might mean electing you to a leadership position. Not to mention, as your training to be a better leader with your current sisters, you also have a network of alumna who are willing to reach out and help you become the best you can be. Of course everyone has different strengths, and with the variety of rolls that need to be filled in a sorority, there's room for every personality type to find their niche. Maybe one day you'll be the president, a vice president, or in charge of the house. Regardless, sororities give you a chance to grow your leadership skills and learn how to work with others. Take for instance, Alpha Gam Alumna Karen McCullah Lutz who went on to write amazing movies such as, "10 Things I Hate About You," "Legally Blonde," She's The Man," and "The House Bunny." I want to be her when I grow up, and I know Alpha Gamma Delta is going to have the same positive effect on me as it did on her, no matter where I end up.

10. Diversity

Yes, we could do better at this point, and some work harder than others to achieve this, but regardless I want to point out that we aren't all the same. I know there is a need to improve this, but I also don't consider all of my sisters to be exactly identical people. We all come from different backgrounds, like different things, look differently, and that makes us stronger as an organization. We each have our own quirks and differences that make us unique, and I like being a part of that. One of my sisters and I both feel strongly about supporting Mental Health Awareness, and that brought us together. Some of my sisters actually know where my hometown is or live extremely close, so we bond over that. Other times, I only share being a member of Alpha Gamma Delta with a sister, and that's still great. These differences have taught me more about the world around me and shown me how to communicate and work with those who aren't like me, something everyone should learn. Our differences make us stronger.

11. Family Matters 

Maybe this just summarizes everything I've said above, but it has to be mentioned. The Alpha Gam girls are my family, and I'm so grateful for that. They encourage me, see the best in me, and are always willing to lend a helping hand. We study together, have fun together, and grow together. They're not perfect, but I love each of them all the same and hopefully vice-versa. I have sister-mom who welcomes my random messages about TV shows, an initiation class that encourages each other as we approach our test, and a whole group of women who say hello whenever they say me. I may still be a new member, but my sisters have made me feel right at home, and whether we're all trying to fit on the most comfortable couch in the world or in the study, talking more than studying, we're a family, and that's pretty hard to beat. Regardless of organization or school, I know my fellow sorority girls can agree that gaining a family is the best part.

10 Things We All Need to Forgive Ourselves For

     Most people consider Spring the time of rebirth and newness of life (i.e. Spring Cleaning), but I also think that Fall is also a time of newness. Perhaps the reluctance to recognize this comes from the idea of nature beginning to die in the Fall, but the leaves are too beautiful to view with remorse. Sometimes we need to let go of things, in order to move on, and I think Fall is a great time to reflect on that. Many of us, especially students, are finally settling in to our new routines for the coming year, but before we get too comfortable, I think we need to forgive ourselves. I know I have a hard time doing this, I'm the kind of person who cannot go to sleep at night because I am being haunted by something I did in the sixth grade (can you say broken glasses and an unforgiving middle part?). In fact, I believe that there are ten things that pretty much universally people need to forgive themselves for. And just to prove my point further, I have rounded up some gifs from the TV Show Friends to illustrate my point.

Forgive Yourself for...

Courtesy of BuzzFeed

1. Not Always Being Casanova

     Admit it, we've all done something weird, awkward, or just plain embarrassing in front of the people we "like-like." Whether you're now happily married, or still looking for that special someone, there are probably moments in past relationships that make you cringe. It's time we forgive ourselves for those things, because regardless of how embarrassing it was, or may still be, there is nothing you can do to change the fact that you totally wiped out in front of John Smith or Jane Doe. It's okay to use them as examples of what not to do in the future, but you can't let little things like that embarrass and keep you from putting yourself out there. Hannah Montana said it best, "Everybody makes mistakes, Everybody has those days." Just hope you don't run into John or Jane anytime soon and forgive yourself.

2. Not Pursuing Other Things

Courtesy of bangandstrike.com

      When you were little, there was probably something you thought you were amazing at, but then you grew up and realized you would need to work harder to actually be as great as you thought you were. You probably gave up, and if you're like me, you still regret it. We all think we're amazing artists, until about middle school when everyone's opinion starts to influence how we view ourselves. I gave up ballet, not because I didn't think I was good, but because I wanted to play basketball. Needless to say, I was an okay basketball player, but I still wonder if I would have been a better dancer. I'll never know of course, but I still beat myself up about quitting ballet. THIS WAS IN THE THIRD GRADE PEOPLE! If you're like me, then you can probably understand why I'm still holding onto this, but like everything else, I think it's time I forgave myself, and start to look at the positives of me pursuing Basketball, over the negatives of giving up ballet. Whatever your "ballet" is, it's time you let go of that regret, and either try and pursue it again, or move on.

Courtesy of Tumblr

3. Wanting Some Alone Time 

     The Fear of Missing Out (Or FOMO) is real, but sometimes we need to be by ourselves. It's okay to tell your friends you don't feel like going out and it's also alright to take a break from volunteering or club meetings if your heart and soul is just feeling heavy. It's better to take the time to rejuvenate yourself than to continue to try and tackle life at 

1/2 to 1/4 of your power. So yes, it's okay to say no, but it's not okay to punish yourself for it later.  Everyone needs alone time, introvert or extrovert, to make sure that they are feeding themselves figuratively, and sometimes literally. In the long run, taking a break will allow you to be a better, well, you. So stay in and watch Netflix or take a much needed nap, and then forgive yourself for your self-mandated isolation. It's okay!

 4. Blowing Up at People

Courtesy of Tumblr

Courtesy of BuzzFeed

     For me, it's my brother. He always knows just how to pick at my nerves, and a lot time I blow up unreasonably (if you listen closely, you can hear my parents silently agreeing with "that's right" and a chuckle). I don't like that about myself, but I need to remember that I'm not perfect, and sometimes I'm going to be short or explosive with people. I know I need to work on that, but if I keep attacking myself about every time I lose my temper, I'm just going to be upset with myself over and over again. So, I think this point is two-fold, because we first have to ask forgiveness from those who we've blown-up at, but then we have to forgive ourselves for our humanity, and try and be better. (Also, I'm pretty sure that I look just like Chandler in the first GIF when I'm fighting with Noah. This pains and humors me.)

Courtesy of Tumblr

5. Not Always Acting Our Age

     It's hard being an adult, and I've just started, so I can't imagine how much harder it gets as we get older. But adult or not, we all sometimes forget to act our age. Maybe you slept the day away, forgot how to share, or didn't take care of yourself like you should, regardless you didn't act your age. Watching TV all day, isn't something mature adults suggest, but sometimes binging on the Mindy Project just feels like the right idea. You could spend the next week, (or year), beating yourself up for not fulfilling your responsibilities, or you can put on your big-kid, forgiveness pants and start being proactive now. What 's in the past is done, and though you probably shouldn't have procrastinated, maybe you needed to so that you could realize what your priorities are or just take a break. Whatever the circumstance, holding it against yourself isn't going to change anything, so just forgive yourself.

Courtesy of BuzzFeed

6. That Mean Thing You Said to Your Friend 

    This kind of goes along with "Blowing Up," but I find it's harder for me to forgive myself for the times I've been angry or out-of-line with my friends. It's hard to be around someone for a long time and avoid having arguments or spats, but that doesn't make what we do or say right. Most of the time, the mean things we say to our friends cut deeper than things we say to acquaintances or strangers. This is probably because we know exactly what to say to get under our friend's skin, and because of that it's hard to forgive ourselves for these moments. Much like "blowing up," we first have to apologize to those we've hurt, before we can forgive ourselves, but I know that personally I've said things I'm not proud of to my friends years ago, that I still hold against myself. I honestly wish I could take all back, and I know I can't, but I also have hard time letting it go. So if this applies to you, just know that I also struggle to forgive myself for the mean things I've said, but I also think we have to. If not, we can't grow as a person, and that's essential. So we need to make an effort.

Courtesy of Tumblr

7. For Worrying About Silly Things 

     You've got a test coming up or a big meeting with an important person, and you're worrying about forgetting how to speak, toilet paper being stuck to your shoe, or something else that's probably not going to happen. I don't know why we do this to ourselves, but we assume that the worst thing that can happen, will. Typically, this effects our performance and causes us to be more cautious than we need to be. Afterwards, we realize we were overreacting, and we probably aren't happy about it. I know there have been times when I knew I could have done better if I had just put myself out there more, and stopped worrying. We need to forgive ourselves for being anxious, but we also need to remember the way it held us back, so we can have perspective. We don't need to view it negatively, but rather as a way to improve ourselves. Next time, take a risk and let your confidence carry you through whatever it is. And if you don't feel confident, fake it. What you make up in your mind is always worse than what really happens, and with that knowledge we can improve.

Courtesy of Giphy

8. Not Always Being Happy

    We live in a society that preaches happiness and looks down upon most other emotions, and sometimes we feel bad for feeling bad. The thing is, it's impossible to be happy all of the time, yet we expect that of ourselves. We view sadness, anger, and apathy as negatives, when really there is a time for everything, and sometimes we need to mourn or to be unhappy. You can't always feel like sunshines and rainbows, sometimes you have to live with the storm clouds, and there's nothing wrong with that or you. We all have bad days, and though you can put a positive spin on it and try and see the silver lining, it's also totally natural to just feel down, and that can be a positive thing as well. Van Gogh suffered from depression, but his masterpieces are intensely beautiful, and sometimes it is in the sadness the paintings' reflect, that the true genius is seen. Not that art is only possible in depression and sadness, but that those things can have positive outcomes. So be sad, but don't do it begrudgingly. Instead work through your emotions and then allow yourself to breathe and move on afterwards, because until we accept that all emotions are natural and necessary, we aren't going to be able to forgive ourselves and consequently other's for going through ups and downs.

Courtesy of Tumblr

9. Pigging Out 

     I love food. I love sweets. I love chips and popcorn. I love a nice steak and great smoothie (typically not together). I love food. Buttttttt... Sometimes (a lot of times) I do not eat in a way that is healthy nor going to prolong my life. I recognize this, and sometimes I get angry at myself in response. I know I've talked about it before on here, but for those who don't know, it's about to get real serious up in here. This and the one after it, are the most relevant to my everyday life. I love food, I know I've said it a lot, but it's important that you understand how much food is a part of my life, so that you can see how it eventually took over my life. In high school, I developed an eating disorder along with about 11% of all high school students, and 1 in 5 women. I loved food so much, that when I started to not like myself, I turned to food. I ate to fill whatever was missing inside of me, and eventually I began to hate food, but I still felt like I needed it to feel something, so I just hated myself more. Thankfully, through the love and grace of Jesus Christ, (and I know there will be people who don't agree with me on that), I was healed, and he became the strength I needed, to break the chains my love for food had created. Don't get me wrong, I still get excited when I see pumpkin bread or the Parmesan Shrimp Steak at Applebee's, but I don't need it to feel good about myself, I need it to live, like a human being. However, my first reaction to realizing I had a problem with food, was to cut food down in my life, and that was just as much punishing myself as binge-eating had been. I needed to forgive myself for my eating disorder, so that food could once again be a normal and healthy part of my life. I'm not trying to say that only people with eating disorders need to forgive themselves for how they've treated food, but I think even mildly, people feel bad about certain things they eat, i.e. Thanksgiving Dinner, the whole pint of Ben and Jerry's, or just something that probably isn't healthy. Everything's okay in moderation, so it's okay to forgive yourself for having a cheat day or a cheat week, or month, as long as you are treating your body right and have healthy relationship with what you eat. (I am not a doctor, so take my opinion for just that, an opinion.)

10. For Not Loving Ourselves  

     I envy the fictional person who's never felt inadequate, unlovable, or picked at themselves in the mirror. I think we sometimes believe that this person exists, but I have a hard time buying into the idea that someone truly loves each part of themselves and everything that they do. If this is you, then please feel free to comment down below and disprove my hypothesis, but until then I'm sticking with that theory. Going off of what I said above, it has not been an easy road for me to love myself, and there are still days when it seems impossible, but on the good days, I get angry at myself for ever feeling like I wasn't "worth" anything, which is counterproductive. Friends, we have to forgive ourselves for all of the mean thoughts and words we used against our own selves, as well as the times we've felt worthless, before we can truly begin to love ourselves. If your constantly reminding yourself of that hate, then you're not letting go of it, and you must move on. Without that forgiveness, we can't know true love for one's self, and I really want to know that.

     I'm sure there are many more things that people need to forgive themselves for, but I know that these 10 speak to me, and a lot of my friends. If there's something I've missed, however, please talk about it in the comments section, because I'm a huge fan of dialogue and real talk. Also, try and make a point of working towards whichever of these things you relate to, or just one if you find multiple relevant. I'm not expecting anyone to completely move past these things, because we aren't perfect, but I hope it makes you think more about your daily life and the way you treat yourself, so that you can demonstrate love and respect from the inside, out.

July DIY Week - Preparing to Choose Your College

     So this post is a little out of the ordinary for a DIY, but I kept thinking about things I wish people had taught me, and I really wish there had been someone to walk me through the entire pre-college process.
      The first thing that you need to decide is where you want to visit. I knew that I wanted to study English

and Communications, but I wanted my English degree to be focused towards Creative Writing, which narrowed down my search quite a bit. I only toured schools in my state, and, for the most part, they were less than six hours away from where I lived. I found most of this out online, or from the college fair that I went to as a Sophomore.  If your school or a school near you is having a college fair, I highly suggest attending. I'm such a nerd, but honestly it was a lot of fun getting to talk to the school's reps and getting a good idea of what they were looking for from me before I even went to the school.
     My dad and I then went on a major road trip during my Junior Year spring break where we visited, all nine of the schools I had shown interest in. At the beginning of the week, I was enthusiastic about every school I visited, but by Thursday, it was easy to tell which schools made me feel comfortable, and which just didn't seem like a good fit. I am not kidding, when I say that I left a college tour early, because I hated the bricks on the buildings. It wasn't just that, but at the time I felt so uncomfortable, that even the bricks were driving me crazy. I took out all of the state universities, because I realized that large schools just weren't for me, and narrowed it down to four private schools that I would apply to.
     If you're not sure about touring, I will say that some schools waive the application fee if you tour their school. Every private school I visited offered this deal, and one of the two public universities did as well. It also gave me the ability to truly experience what going to school there would be like. I mean, I was able to narrow down nine schools to four.
     The next step was applying, which I got done August before my senior year. I cannot stress how important I think this is. Most schools early action deadline is in December, and regular can be anywhere from January to February, but while most of my friends were freaking out about applying to college while trying to juggle school work, I got all of mine done when I had loads of free time in the summer. And get this! All of my schools had rolling acceptance, meaning that whenever I applied, they would get a decision back to me in a month's time. I knew what schools I had been accepted to before most of my friends even applied. It took so much weight off of my shoulders, so I highly recommend this if you can do it.
     But Shelby, how do you apply?
     I'm glad you asked. All but one of my applications could be filled out on the greatest website known to high school students, Common App. The Common Application, is an online application that a lot of schools use, where you can fill out the basic questions on every application (name, birth date, family, etc. ) and send it to each school on your list. This application also adds specific questions and essay's for your school, which allows you to apply to every institution at once. It really is a life saver. I was going to apply to the University of Louisville, just for kicks and giggles, and decided not to because they didn't use the Common App. I love it that much. You can find it here: https://www.commonapp.org/Login

  After I found out where I had been accepted, I knew that I needed to narrow down my four schools, to at least two, hopefully just my number one. All but one of my schools offered over night visits or class sit ins. Liberty University offered an entire weekend, where I went to a football game, sat in on a class, and got to stay in someone's dorm, called CFAW (College for a Weekend). Personally, the school was too big for me and I didn't really have a great experience with the person I was dorming with, but one of my friends goes to Liberty and she was great about showing me around and making me feel welcomed. At the end of the weekend however, I knew it wasn't the school for me. I felt anxious while I was there, and even though it was a great school and I loved spending the weekend with my mom, it just wasn't the right fit, and that's okay. Even though my dad was pretty bummed. 
     I then visited Hollins University for the third time for their Prospective Students weekend. Again, I got to sit in on a few classes, shared a dorm room with a current student, and was welcomed into the school's activities. I had a better time there, and my current student was awesome, I still follow her on Instagram. I loved the Children's Literature class I took and really felt like the school wanted me to be there. It secured Hollins in my top two schools.
    My parents and I decided to take Randolph College off of the list when we couldn't find a weekend to stay at the school, but later we got an email inviting us to that exact thing. Opps! The good new is, my parents weren't to thrilled about the school, and while I thought it was beautiful, it wasn't too hard to let go.
     Randolph-Macon College didn't give me the option to stay
in a dorm, but they did have
what is called Macon Days, where I got to take a few classes and see a little bit more of the school. I only live an hour and a half away from Randolph-Macon so this was great for me, but I can see how it would be difficult for those who lived farther away. I fell in love with Randolph-Macon on this day, and I wasn't sure then, but I think it became my number one school that day.
    I now had my top two schools, and because I wanted to be thorough I visited them both again. This is not necessary. Most of my friends only visited their top school more than once, but I honestly had no idea where I wanted to go. I was invited to scholarship days for both schools, and while I got to stay overnight at Hollins again, this time I stayed at the hotel with my mom, I only got to be at Randolph-Macon for a few hours. I visited each school, one more time after the scholarship days, just to clarify which was my number one. At this point I knew I loved Randoph-Macon but Hollins was the smarter choice financially. My cousins went with me to Accepted Students Day at Randolph-Macon and they really
made me see that I couldn't put a price on how comfortable and at home I felt at Randolph-Macon. I
knew they were right, and by the end of that day I was almost ready to make a decision. However, I owed it to Hollins to attend their Accepted Students day as well.
    They were still so nice and welcoming, but they whole time I just wanted to go home. I kept looking at my schedule, trying to see how much longer I had. It just wasn't the school for me, and while it scared me to voluntarily put myself in more debt that I needed too, I couldn't let go of the happiness that I felt when I was at RMC.
     I paid my deposit about two weeks before the deadline of May 1st, and got my brick in the mail a week later (Graduating Students get their names engraved in a brick at RMC).

     From there, I became a College Student and the tasks flew in, but that's another story. Applying to college is stressful, scary, and most other negative 's' words, but it's also thrilling and new. I'll be the first to graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in my nuclear family, and that's pretty cool.
    I think the best advice I can give is to do things sooner than you have to. I am a total procrastinator, but I made sure to get my college stuff out of the way before I was rushing to meet a deadline, and because of that I got to have fun with it. I got to visit schools four or five times, which I really needed to cement my decision, and I got to create memories with my family. I am the queen of waiting until the last minute to pick a school, so I know how tough that can be, but at the end of the day, I truly believe that you will know what school is right for you. Almost everyone I have talked to says that they just felt it when they found the right school, and the same thing happened for me.
     So don't stress if you don't know what to do or where to go. There's time for that, and the answers will come eventually. Life is full of choices, and you've made it this far. Now you're off to great places, you're off and away.

Expectation Vs. Reality

     Expectation Vs. Reality is a common title for videos and or pictures that display what usually happens when people have high expectations. As hilarious as these tend to be, I've become very aware of how true they are, but in a flip-sided way.
     Last night and into this morning, I spent eight hours (Not including the three hours of sleep I managed to get) with my cheer-leading squad. We had a sleepover at the high school so that we could make all of the run through signs for the football team and show our new coach some of the cheers we had done last year. It honestly sounds like an extremely normal night to me as I am writing this down, but I can't forget the thoughts and feelings that had run around in my head prior to the event.
    I was nervous going into this. I don't have any close friends on the team, and because I have this delusional fear that people find me annoying and don't like me, I was afraid I was going to be a bother to everyone and just end up alone. That was my expectation.
     In fact, this is an expectation I have a lot of the time. I am constantly distancing myself from people because I am afraid they are getting annoyed by me. Mind you, I have never actually been told that I am annoying by anyone other than my brother. So why do I have this fear? I think a part of me feels like everyone is saying that about me behind my back. I mean, let's be honest, most girl fighting is done behind backs and with tongues like swords.
     But the thing is, as far as I know, nobody has a problem with me. Yet I am constantly taking myself out of things hoping to avoid whatever backlash I am expecting.
     Last night was kind of an eyeopener for me. I had fun. Not the kind of fun that you kind of enjoyed but would never do it again, but rather the kind of fun that makes you want to experience that night again. Nobody was bothered by me, in fact I was invited to do things, which sounds simple enough but for someone who was expecting to be spending the night utterly alone it was a big deal.
     It made me start thinking about expectations and how, just like high expectations, low expectations can be utterly wrong as well. I don't think I am the only one with this mindset, rather I'm sure tons of people make themselves loners to avoid whatever it is they are afraid of. Something in our brains tells us that if we are alone no one can hurt us, when we all know that sometimes being alone is just as painful.
     Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we suffer through countless weekends without plans, events spent standing awkwardly alone, and silence?
     If you're like me, the thought of putting yourself out there is terrifying. It seems that I can only truly talk to a stranger when one of my best friends is around, and even then the situation is iffy. I'm the kind of person who will not engage you in conversation, and as sorry as I am for it, I will need you to do it. I don't want to be that person.
     It's just another one of those things that I'm trying to change, but the process is slow.

The Perfect Wave

   

 

(No waves but at least there is water!)

     Today was what I would call the perfect wave. I started off the day at church like I do every Sunday and then made plans to go with my friend to the movies later to see The Purge. After somehow convincing my mom to allow me to go see a rated 'R' movie - Apparently if you continue to point out that it is basically a more violent version of The Hunger Games it becomes an acceptable rating - my friend and I headed back towards my house so that I could change out of my church clothes and grab everything I needed.
     Once back at her place, we ate lunch with her family, and after they had all cleared out, we settled down to watch Pitch Perfect. this is one of my all time favorite movies, and I will watch it a million times if given the opportunity (Whilst quoting the whole thing, of course). We decided to head out after the fantastic yet not-wanted ending of the movie, and made our way towards a frozen yogurt chain in a nearby town called Sweet Frogs. Again, Sweet Frogs is one of my favorite places, and if money and calories were not a problem, I would eat it all day every day.
       It was after we finally finished stuffing our faces, after we browsed through the shops surrounding the movie theater trying to kill time, and after we bought snacks at the local Food Lion, that we finally bought our tickets and sat down to watch The Purge. Now, I'm not a scary movie person - I watch them because I love movies and hate not knowing about things that people are bound to be talking about - but I found myself thoroughly enjoying this movie. As creepy as it sounds, I love the ideas and thinking behind it. I guess it's the writer in me, but none-the-less, it kept me enthralled and on the edge of my seat.
     The movie ended, I said hi to a friend that we ran into leaving the theater, and we headed back home discussing the movie and dancing like fools to the latest hits station. It was a good day. In fact, it was probably some of the most fun I have had in a while, considering it has been raining cats and dogs the entire week I had finals. Not exactly what I would call 'fun'.
    But this wasn't the end. Far from it, actually. You see, my mom rented Chasing Mavericks for us to watch. After finally deciding that watching a third movie was not in fact overkill, I made my way upstairs and let the entertainment ensue. Chasing Mavericks was a great movie, in fact, I would go as far as saying it was one of the best new movies I have seen in a while. I don't even know what made it so powerful, yet something in it struck a chord with me. You see, (without giving away too much and ruining the movie), this kid Jay loves surfing. There is nothing else in this world he loves more than it. He spends all of his free time doing it, and it's what makes him feel alive. In the movie he's chasing Mavericks, the biggest waves in the world.
     I fear if I say anymore I'll ruin it for someone, so I'll leave it at that, but what really strikes me about all of this is his determination. He is so determined to be the best surfer he can be. It reminds me of my life and the lack of determination I sometimes have in what I love. There is nothing I love more than writing and I spend a large portion of my time doing things that will hopefully make me better at it, yet still I wish I could have just some of the determination that Jay has.
     I live on the Chesapeake Bay, and water sports have always been a big part of my life. I've just been in love and fascinated with them for as long as I can remember. I don't think I can even comprehend Jay's love for surfing, yet a part of me knows exactly what that perfect wave feels like. For me, the non-surfer, it's when the water is calm and the boat is pulling your knee-board, skis, or inner-tube just right. It's when your body is moving just the way you want it and your knees are feeling up for anything. It's when you're well rested and ready for a day on the boat. It's when you can feel yourself become one with the water and suddenly you can do anything.
     The perfect wave doesn't have to be water related. In fact, though I love that 'perfect wave' feeling when I'm knee-boarding or skiing, I love it even more when I'm writing. When suddenly words are flowing from my fingertips like the flood gates of my mind have opened and everything just makes sense. When I finally reach into the deepest, darkest corners of a character and find I know everything about them and feel them come to life. That is a perfect wave that creates a high only writers will ever understand.
    You see, I think we can find the perfect wave in anything we love. All it takes is a little determination.

    Where do you find your perfect wave?

Mirror Mirror

              

          Dogs are more like us than we may think. Most of them have an imprint, or a mental image of who they are. Small dogs may see themselves as massive machines made for destruction and the likes of a Great Dane could see himself as a tiny ant. This creates a problem when they happen to see their true image reflected in the mirror. This mirror version of them seems to be another dog because they could never truly look like that in their minds. For all they know, this ‘other’ dog is a threat and this is what causes them to become hostile when they look at their reflection. So they bark, and they bark, and they bark, as if their incessant noise is going to drive the evil doer away.

            Humans have a way of doing this too. So very often people all over the world are looking into the mirror and barking. They blaspheme, shouting “This could not be me! I could never look this ugly!” When in reality what they are seeing is far more beautiful than they will ever know. Humans have an imprint too, and it is usually set by society.

            We are told what beauty is from a young age, skinny, tall, tan, and flawless.  When people see a dog with its ribs showing they call it cruelty yet somewhere along the way this became beautiful for a human, causing millions of girls to bark at themselves in the mirror wishing for their bones to protrude.

            Women as a whole spend approximately 7 billion dollars on makeup a year. These products claim to enhance your beauty, yet still they see themselves in the mirror and begin to bark. So then they have to go out again and by the latest and greatest product claiming to fix the problems that their imprint has created for them.

            It all seems to come back to the mirror though. When the animals are not looking into it they can carry on their merry way without every knowing that they are not who they think they are. Again, people tend to be the same way. If they do not look into the mirror, how will the ever know what they look like? Sure, it would probably result in some unruly people, but they would never know it. Could you imagine if for a week the entire world stopped looking into mirrors? How would they apply makeup? How would they shave? How would they do anything to morph their face into what is considered acceptable for society? Maybe they wouldn't.

            The mirror has been a great advancement in society, and in the past it was even seen as a magical object where a parallel universe existed. There, you could meet yourself. How often do people go to the mirror and expect to meet themselves? They pick themselves up and hope that when they look into the mirror they will see what has been poured into their brain for so long, but instead they find someone so uniquely individual that they are let down. Before them stands a beautiful person who will one day be the love of someone’s life, the parent to adoring children, and then a grandparent who spends their days spoiling their beloved grandchildren. Yet they cannot see it, because they are too busy searching for what society tells them they should see. So often, people become the evil step mother in Snow White and they begin to look to their mirror for answers. “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

            Maybe it’s time people put the mirror down and started looking inside for their answers. Instead of trying to live up to what society says is beautiful try becoming the best you. It’s not the words spoken by those with bad intent that define a person but rather what they know inside their heart. It’s time to take a stand and become what you've always known, something more than what the mirror shows. You are you, and that right there makes you pretty amazing.

My Life in 8 Photo

So I have been reading through some old post on Zoe's blog and I saw she had started a tag called "My Life in 8 Photos" This seemed like a really cool idea and I couldn't wait to do it. Since she tagged everybody, I thought why not? So tagged by Zoella

I don't know about you but i'm one of those people who has a photo for every memory and every event, and i'm sure i have a fair few photographs to sum up who i am as a person.

So, it's simple...Post 8 photos you feel are relevant in portraying who you are as a person or just photos from a memory or an event...anything! You can even be completely random and click anywhere in your photos and upload the ones u happen to click. It will be really interesting to see what photos people post & will also be lots of fun.

I tag everyone who hasn't done this yet because it's a lot of fun! I think it'll be cool to see how everyone's lives play out in photos.